


Ghost Strike

by Flabbyknight



Series: HP Stories [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 14:23:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20893526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flabbyknight/pseuds/Flabbyknight
Summary: The High Inquisitor pays a visit to History of Magic.





	Ghost Strike

"...and so ended the rule of Gzrom the Pungent," droned Cuthbert Binns. "For class next week you will need to write an essay on the effects of Gzrom's death. Ten inches."

He turned to fly through the blackboard when he heard a loud "Hem Hem!"

Binns turned around to see that it was the large pink student that sat in on his class today who made the noise. What was her name again? He believed it started with a ‘U’. "Yes, Mrs. Umbrella?"

The sickly smile that had been on her face turned into a scowl. "My name is not Mrs. Umbrella. You will address me as Professor Umbridge."

Binns blinked in confusion and replied, "I am sorry Professor Porridge, I did not know that you taught here. May I ask what you wish to speak to me about?"

"Yes, about that... you see, I am the High Inquisitor of Hogwarts, and one of my duties is to evaluate the teaching staff and see if they are fit to teach the student body."

Binns squinted at her, "I've never heard of this High Inquisitor of Hogwarts position before. It sounds like a made up title. Are you even a real professor?"

Professor Porridge's face turned a nasty shade of pink as she hissed, "Of course I am a real professor! And my name is Umbridge, not  _ porridge!" _ She started to scribble something onto a clipboard. "Now, I wanted to talk to you about a few things. For instance, the fact that your students sleep through your lessons!"

Binns blinked in surprise before he let out a scoff, "Don't be ridiculous. I think I would have noticed if they were."

"I assure that they  _ have _ been," she said snappishly. "I have also noticed that nowhere in your lesson plans do you discuss the importance of blood purity!"

"Professor Umbilical, I discuss and teach  _ facts. _ Blood purity has no basis in facts, and so I refuse to teach such rubbish. There has been zero evidence proving that blood purity has any effect on the magical skill of any wizard or witch," replied Binns in annoyance. The very idea of teaching unverified information offended him to his core.

"I see," said Professor Umbilical with narrowed eyes. "And you refuse to budge on this matter, do you?"

"I would rather die," declared Binns.

"Then I have no choice but to let you go," she said with glee.

"Very well. I am busy anyway, I have papers to grade," said Binns with a sniff.

"You misunderstand, you are  _ fired," _ said Professor Umbilical.

"You can't fire me, I have tenure!" he replied with scorn.

"Tenure only applies to living people, which no longer applies to you," she said with a cruel smile.

Binns bristled, "That's livingist! I will not stand for such bigotry!"

"You have a day to leave the castle before I call in Ministry exorcists," said Professor Umbilical gleefully.

Binns face turned into a mask of fury as he muttered, "I see. I see. You have left me with no choice then." He bellowed, "Ghosts of Hogwarts hear me! I declare a GHOST STRIKE!"

"What in the blazes are you rambling about?" demanded Professor Umbilical.

Binns merely threw back his head and laughed maniacally before he floated backwards through the blackboard.

A moment later, Dumbledore ran into the room, out of breath and red faced, "Dolores, what did you do?!"

"I removed Binns from his position," she said as she gave Dumbledore a mean smile. The windows of the class room began to rattle and the sound of the wind started to pick up.

"What!? Why would you do that?!" said Dumbledore, his voice filled with panic. "Don't you know what happened the  _ last _ time somebody tried to remove him from his teaching post!? We must find him and give him back his job before it is too late!"

"I will do no such thing, and neither will you," said Umbridge with a sniff. "I am not afraid of Binns and his so called 'ghost strike'." Was it just her, or did the wind sound like the cries of the damned?

"He has declared a ghost strike," said Dumbledore with a dead tone of voice.

"So he has claimed," she said dismissively. The windows of the room then exploded and showered the pair in glass.

It was at this point that Dumbledore broke down into tears.

_ One week later _

"It is with great relief that I inform you all that Professor Binns has returned to his teaching post and that the ghost strike is over," said a red-eyed and pale Dumbledore. The entire student body and teaching staff flinched at the words 'ghost strike'. Several people started to scream hysterically and curl up into a fetal position.

Mr. Longbottom kept screaming, "Can't sleep or the ghosts will get me! Can't sleep or the ghosts will get me!"

Dumbledore continued on over the screams, "We have also been forced to let go of Professor Umbridge due to her admittance to the Janus Thickey Ward. May God have mercy on her soul. Also—"

"I would like to say something," came Binns's dry voice. Dumbledore threw himself under the staff table and tried to make himself as small as possible. A red haired boy from Gryffindor waved a cross around in the air. Binns let out a chuckle, "Put that away you foolish boy, your gods will not save you now." The boy turned bone white and dropped the cross as though it was on fire.

Binns gave a nod of satisfaction and turned to address the great hall. "I think we all learned a valuable lesson here over the past week about the importance of history. If we forget the past, we are doomed to repeat the mistakes of those that came before us. Professor Porridge forgot the past and so was doomed. Hopefully, you all learned something from her mistakes." Then, for the first time in living memory, Binns smiled. It was the thing of nightmares. "I look forward to seeing you all in class."


End file.
